Hurry Chutney

Hurry Chutney – Green Chutney that you can make in 10 minutes or less. Every refrigerator on the planet needs to have a jar of this chutney sitting inside. It’s quick, it’s dead simple to make, and can be used as a dip, a spread, a sauce and an aftershave lotion.

This is a recipe I’ve put together after a fair bit of experimentation and it’s so simple, you need talent to fuck it up.


  1. Mint leaves: 1 bunch (1 bunch has roughly 200 leaves. Trust me. I counted.)
  2. Coriander: 1 bunch, leaves and stalks. If you are the kind of person who doesn’t want to use coriander stalks, I do not want to be friends with you.
  3. Ginger: 1 inch
  4. Garlic: 3 cloves
  5. Cumin: 1/2 tsp
  6. Sesame seeds: 2 tbsp
  7. Green chilli: 6 
  8. Yoghurt: 2 tbsp
  9. Juice of 1 lime
  10. Water: 3 tbsp
  11. Salt
  12. Hyundai i10 brake light: 0


  1. Throw everything in a blender.
  2. Blend.
  3. Adjust consistency with some yogurt if you need to.

This thing can sit in a jar in the fridge for upto 6 weeks. It can probably go longer but it’s never sat that long in mine. Use it to make nice little sandwiches with sliced cucumber inside. Serve it as a dip with some pakoras or chicken tikkas. Do whatever. It’s an all-purpose fail safe chutney that everyone loves. 

If there’s ever a zombie apocalypse and you’re cornered, offer this chutney to the zombie when it approaches you. The zombie  will kill you anyway, but you will taste SO much better with this on the side. Think about it. How many people get a chance to do something nice to their killer on their way out?

Over and out.

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