Tail Spin

I’ve always liked cats. I think they’re supremely cool animals, and I usually pet one if I see it. One week into Singapore, I noticed a few stray cats loafing around near my condo. I took a walk around the neighbourhood and found even more in the apartment complex behind. Cool and everything, but one thing stood out. All the cats appeared to be missing more than half their tails. I was super puzzled. At first I thought they’d been getting into fights, but it did seem unlikely that all the cats in the area had managed to get beat up the exact same way.

Authentic Singaporean Cat

Over the next week or so, I saw at least 8 more cats with the same problem. I thought long and hard; and the answer came to me. We had a psycho in the area. A sick perverted f*ck of a human being who took pleasure in chopping off the tails of helpless felines. The sonofabitch was probably making a muffler or something and needed to be stopped!

I considered getting a cat and putting a GPS device (like Tile) around it’s neck. I’d track it’s whereabouts and would know if / when someone picked it up. I would locate the cat via GPS, storm the scene of the crime and kick the purrpetrator in the damn face. That shitty plan didn’t quite work out. The device is still being funded on Kickstarter and I had no f*cking idea where to get a ‘complete cat’ since every feline in the vicinity was already tail-less. Decided to look online if there were reports of other people who’d noticed the same thing. That is when I learned, that the cats on the island of Singapore are descended from the bobtailed cat family. They are supposed to look that way.

Hmm. While I’m hugely relieved that there’s no whackjob roaming the streets going “Here Kitty, Kitty” in a sinister voice, I do wish I had read the article before going around half the island picking up cats and keenly studying their posteriors. Operation Cat Ass Trophy has been swiftly aborted and will never be spoken of again, but as far as the neighbours are concerned, there still is a psycho in the area. He’s just gone quiet for a while.

There’s “a tail of two kitties” joke in here somewhere. No time to frame it. Need to leave for work. Q4 is going to be rough.

Over and out.

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